Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Survey Says...

'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal Really Wouldn't Bother Troops

The Pentagon has officially released the 267 page study on whether or not repealing DADT will destroy our military. And surprise! Most solidiers don't give a hoot.

'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Repeal Really Wouldn't Bother Troops

The only odd statistic found was that 26% of spouses are worried that if it is repealed, there will be a bunch of gay sex going on...I think the questioning of one's partner's sexuiality is a much bigger issue than DADT but that's just my opinion.

And in true form the Republicans are demanding more hearings and "comprehensive oversight" of this study most likely to slow the process down until they take over and squash this gay thing all together.

The Potato Diet

Bizarre Man Ends Bizarre 60-Day Potato Diet

Chris Voigt is now my hero! He's the head of the Washington State Potato Commission and he wants to bring awarness to the government programs that limit the use of potatoes due to their nutrition factor. So what did he do? He ate nothing but potatoes for a month and ended up losing 21 pounds and 67 points of cholestoral! Somebody get me a potato now! 

Mankinis?!


Uh... How does one wear this and not curl up in the fetal position of embarassment? Hold on, I think my eyes are bleeding...

TSA Missed Connections

Monday, November 29, 2010

I miss you

TurDunkin

Just when you thought America couldn't come up with anything worse food wise, we are introduced to the TurDurkin!

What's a TurDurkin you ask? It's a combo Thanksgiving turkey and sweet donut treat. The turkey is stuffed with bacon and Munchkins stuffing and then basted with donut glaze. It’s then coated in donut sprinkles and served alongside coffee gravy and mashed hash browns (to get the full breakfast turkey effect).

I think I've passed out from just looking at the thing!

Spanish Woman Owns the Sun


Angeles Duran, a 49 year old Spanish woman now owns the sun. Yup you read that right. She had the star registered on Friday at a local notary as being her property.

There is an international agreement which states that no country may claim ownership of a planet or star, but it does not say anything about individuals.
"There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first."

Duran now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund. She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself.

I can see it now, you have a couple choices of a "sun plan", restricted and unlimited use and will pay overrage charges and will have rollover sun minutes.

She ended with, "It is time to start doing things the right way, if there is an idea for how to generate income and improve the economy and people's well-being, why not do it?"

Lady, I'm not going to pay for the sun. However I wonder if an individual can take ownership of air?... I'd be a billionaire!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Car Thief Yells at Victim for leaving Toddler in Car

A Texas mother had her car returned by the homeless man that stole it because he wanted to scold her for leaving her son in the car. He then ran away on foot. Geez, everyone has some parenting advice to give!

Read the full article here

Stephen Colbert spoofs Sarah Palin's Alaska


Click  here

Vader vs. Voldermort

Ok, now I am a big Star Wars fan, it's in my genes. However Harry Potter is the ultimate for me and always will be. Here's a show down between the bad guys for each:

How to keep your privates private

I feel a great sense of camaraderie this holiday season with us vs. the TSA and their invasion of our privacy. This morning a statement was issued to not opt out of the 'naked' scanner because it will take longer and inconvienance other travelers thus making them late to see their families. Dude, you guys are exposing us to uneeded radiation and then look at us naked and posting up the pictures even when you claimed they were confidential! I don't think so. Revolt!
Anyways, if you do choose to go through the scanner this holiday season maybe you can pick yourself up some of these:



Thanks to Rocky Flats Gear here's a new option to peacefully protest. These undergarmets have strategically placed x-ray blocking fig leaves so you can keep at least some of your dignity. Of course this could totally backfire and get you an extra long pat down because they think your hiding something but whatever, it's worth a try.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Model Evolution With Makeup And Photoshop


Love watching this video to make me realize that models aren't actually real

Damn You Auto Correct!!

It's good to know I'm not the only one that this happens to! Here's my new favorite website www.damnyouautocorrect.com. These are some highlights. 









Thursday, November 18, 2010

MUST HAVE THIS PUPPY NOW!!!


And I'll need the chair as well

Thanksgiving Dinner

With the possibility of up to 3 Thanksgiving Dinners, I'm holding out hope that this will be on the menu for at least one of them!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Oh no they didn't!...


Clorox recently commissioned a study of Hispanic women between 25-54 years old in the U.S. to presumably find ways to sell more product to them/us. In a press release they are quoted as saying,
"In the Hispanic community, a clean home is a happy home, but during the holidays, it is critical for the home to be reluciente — or sparkling clean!"

Here are some of their...I guess you'd call them findings (?):

* "43 percent of Latinas report their significant others as helping with household cleaning — a surprising find, considering the long-standing myth that cleaning is a role predominantly performed by women."

* "cleaning is a rite of passage, taught by mothers and grandmothers and meant to influence present-day routines and brand choices."

* "Music is an integral part of the cleaning routine with Spanish pop being the favorite playlist among 53 percent. Four in ten Latinas listen to the same type of music as they clean as their mothers."

I can't exactly count how many reasons I'm offended right now. My jaw hasn't come up from the floor yet and doubt it will anytime soon, I've gotta go clean something...

How Vaginas ruin the Medal of Honor


According to Bryan Fischer,"our culture has become so feminized" that we only reward saving lives and not killing people and therefore the Medal of Honor has been feminized.

This nutty right winger goes on to say things like this...

"I would suggest our culture has become so feminized that we have become squeamish at the thought of the valor that is expressed in killing enemy soldiers through acts of bravery. We know instinctively that we should honor courage, but shy away from honoring courage if it results in the taking of life rather than in just the saving of life. So we find it safe to honor those who throw themselves on a grenade to save their buddies."

And this...

"We rightly honor those who give up their lives to save their comrades. It’s about time we started also honoring those who kill bad guys."

If you choose to read more on his wisdom then I wish you luck. He goes on to site the Bible for his beliefs...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

To-dos

Most Harmful Drugs


I always knew that alcohol was by far the most harmful drug but I would have never imagined that E and LSD weren't up there too! You know what this means...time to get my hands on some shrooms! Just kidding, gross!

FDA vs. CRR

The FDA is still bowing down to the political Right and not taking steps to address the judges issues to allow the Morning After Pill be accessible to everyone. Currently if you are under 17 you would need a perscription and show your ID in order to get it.

According to the Center for Reproductive Rights:

"No drug besides Plan B is subject to a two-tiered prescription/over-the-counter structure based on age. And no other over-the-counter drug requires production of identification for purchase.* The testimony of FDA employees and officials makes clear that the FDA's decisions regarding emergency contraception were made on the basis of politics, rather than on considerations of the drug's safety and efficacy. This influence appears to have come from as far up as the White House."
Now that it's been a year and a half and the FDA hasn't taken any steps to address these issues, the center is going back to court to try to make the FDA obey the court order. "The FDA's disregard of the Court's clear and lawful order harms women whose access to Plan B is hindered by substantial obstacles imposed by the FDA, particularly in light of the need to take the medication within 72 hours of sexual intercourse in order for it to be effective," the motion said.

Dear FDA please believe in science and not what the imaginary man in the sky is telling you. I would assume you've been doing this already but I must be mistaken. Also listen to these cute bunnies!

How to Cure a Feminist

This was posted in Maxim in 2003 unfortunately I doubt much has changed. Glad to know the cure is getting in lingerie and submitted to whatever a man needs.

Selfish prick sues parents for emotional distress after he kills their kid

David Weaving is serving 10 years for running over and killing a 14 year old boy on his bike. Now he's suing the parents of the boy for "contributory negligance" because he wasn't wearing a helmet. He claims that by letting their son ride without one has caused him "great mental and emotional pain and suffering" as well as wrongful imprisonment. He's asking for over $15,000 in damages, and while he doesn't have to pay legal fees because he has no money, Kenney's parents are forced to pay theirs.

My guess is that he's not going to win this one especially considering his DUI history and the DMV's admissio that his license should have been revoked before this incident. Way to drag the devistated parents on this new adventure Weaving. I've never heard of anyone so selfish!

Tons of F'ing Sequins

Friday, November 12, 2010

Man eats his own beard at knifepoint over botched lawnmower sale


Nope, I'm not making this up and here's the video to prove it. Harvey Westmoreland and his brother were assaulted by former friends Troy Holt and James Hill when they believed Westmoreland was trying to cheat them over a lawnmower price. One of my favorite parts of this interview is how they label it BIG STORY. Must be slow in Kentucky right now. They also go on to say:

"his brother had a mark on his neck, where a knife was held. But Westmoreland's loss was more permanent.

"They cut my beard and forced me to eat it," he said."

Great news reporting guys!

Postal Worker Secretly Films Racist Rant

Holy shiz! This lady went all sorts of racist when the postal worker refused to take back the certified letter she signed for. I'd never expect someone that looked like her to drop N bombs like there's no tomorrow. She also slapped him but even with the video to prove it he still got fired and the courts let her walk away free! Just another friendly reminder that racism is alive and well.

Yellow Pages Canvas

Philadelphia artist Alex Querel thought canvas was too dull a medium to work with—so he took to carving phone books to make his photo-realistic portraits of notorious celebs. Says Querel, “In carving and painting a head from a phone directory, I’m celebrating the individual lost in the anonymous list of thousands of names that describe the size of the community. In addition, I like the idea of creating something that is normally discarded every year into an object of longevity.”

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Free Turkey for Jesus

Sweet! I can get a free turkey by accepting Jesus as my savior, and donating $500. What a great deal!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Stages of Schitzophrenia


A 20th-century artist, Louis Wain, who was fascinated by cats, painted these pictures over a period of time in which he developed schizophrenia. The pictures mark progressive stages in the illness and exemplify what it does to the victim’s perception.

Happy Alex Day!


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The only time I'll ever agree with Madonna

Naked Man Arrested with Hidden Mouse up his Butt


The headline basically says it all. This is Nolan Smith who allegedly robbed a home on Saturday in South Carolina. When police responded Nolan was lying down in the doorway...nude...He then sprung into action and charged the cops, slapping, kicking and biting his way from the law. This of course resulted in the use of pepper spray, batons and finally a taser. So where does the mouse up his ass come into play? Well due to the force the police needed to use on him, he made a quick detour to the hospital where the doctors noticed via X-ray that "a mouse was lodged up Nolan's rectum." Unfortunately or furtunately depending on how you look at it, he could not for the life of him remember why it was up there or how. This could most likely have something to do with being high of shrooms, but still not the best excuse I've heard.

Facials make me smart

Apparently the 'MindWare' catelog which prides itself on educational toys believes that facials are a brainy type activity for girls. Ooooo I'm so excited to whip up my own facial scrub, make fairy dust and lip balm, all in the name of science! Come on people that's like giving a girl a toy vacuum and iron to study Newton's first law of motion. You can do better than that!

Both Ends of the Spectrum


Good to know this salon can service all of your needs...

Genius!

Now instead of searching for spare change or the remote you can just remember that you stored it under one of the cubes. Love!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Ultimatum to Obama and all Hostiles, Surrender or Die!

This is Colleen Thomas, a home health administrator turned pysicist who specializes in the science of creation. She also happens to be the "mother" of a race of good aliens on Earth to defend humans from lizard people. Ok Crazy!

Here is a message she posted for Obama. If he does infact go to India then him and his 'cronies' will be killed by a tsunami unless they surrender themselves to one of his FEMA death camps so they can be beamed up to a different planet. Unfortunately for her Obama is in India and there wasn't a tsunami when he landed so I guess he's safe from the lizard people for now. But don't think that they don't exist! Remember how there were no bodies found after the 2004 tsunami? That was from the Reptilians who steal bodies and eat them. Again too bad for her that there were in fact many bodies recovered and photographed but let's just let her have this one too...

Friday, November 5, 2010

LEGOs

Today I've been perusing Toys R Us' Great Big Christmas book in which I find myself really wanting Legos. Then some totally awesome guy decided to recreate movie scenes to get me even more excited!






Shrinkage

Twenty five workers in a labor camp in India claim their penises have begun to shrink and retract into their bodies. Sure fellas... They have been treating this odd condition by sitting in an ice bath. All I can think of is poor George Castanza who shared in the workers' pain.

Hypocrite of the Week


Neil Cohen, a former Jersey assemblyman fought hard for tougher legislation against child porn. He advocated for a New Jersey law that created a 24-hour hotline for reporting computer crimes (including child porn), and another "that retroactively removed immunity from churches, schools and other charities that negligently hire employees who sexually abuse children."

What Neil forgot to mention was that he was a fan of child porn himself. Luckily he didn't hide it very well. Apparenlty printing pictures of underage girls using his state computer then putting them in the desk of his receptionist doesn't quite protect your secret. Oops.

Sigh. Young Love.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Cute Proposal


Comic Book artist Leigh Gallagher finally decided to take the plunge and had a very unique and sweet proposal! See all of it here.

Oh. My. God.


I've never been more turned on in my life! Where do I find this man?!

Breathalizer Arrested for DUI


Meet Mathew Nieveen, 19 who was arrested on Halloween while dressed up as a breathalizer (notice where you have to blow). Guess what he was arrested for...drunk driving and minor in possession. Good job buddy!

Should I Have a Cookie?


This is great, because the answer's always yes!

Bare Necessities

Yes people these are very real. I mean what would I do without a LV trash bag, Gucci 3D glasses or a Marc Jacobs tape measurer?!