Desperation

Come on ladies, you know you want this!

There's Rape, and there's Forcible Rape

Here's a great piece of new legislation by th GOP to repeal the Democrate's health care reform law called the "No Taxpayer funded Abortion Act." Keep in mind this has been outlawed since 1976 but the debate flaired up again with the health care reform on what taxpayers would be responsible for. Now there have been exceptions for abortions that are eligible for federal funding such as cases of rape, incest or when the mother's life is endangered. And this is what the GOP is fighting against. Enter the term "forcible rape."

You might be asking yourself, "what kind of rape isn't forced?" Well I have an answer for you!

"With this legislation, which was introduced last week by Rep. Chris Smith (R-N.J.), Republicans propose that the rape exemption be limited to "forcible rape." This would rule out federal assistance for abortions in many rape cases, including instances of statutory rape, many of which are non-forcible. For example: If a 13-year-old girl is impregnated by a 24-year-old adult, she would no longer qualify to have Medicaid pay for an abortion. (Smith's spokesman did not respond to a call and an email requesting comment.)
[...]
Other types of rapes that would no longer be covered by the exemption include rapes in which the woman was drugged or given excessive amounts of alcohol, rapes of women with limited mental capacity, and many date rapes. As for the incest exception, the bill would only allow federally funded abortions if the woman is under 18."

Is your jaw on the floor? Mine is. I love how their number one priority is a collection of cells and not the actual people that are fully living their lives, struck by a horrible tragedy and just looking for help. It's sad to hope for any girl that is raped by a family member is lucky enough to be under 18 so she would be covered.

Suicide By Bear

Now here's a creative way to go out! Tracy Province a convicted killer who escaped prison in Arizona this past summer was tired of being on the lam. He decided to commit suicide and came up with the craziest way to do it.

1. Go to Yellowstone Natural Park
2. OD on Heroin
3. Get eaten by a bear

Too bad 'devine intervention' stepped in and he chose to live - that and it was just too damn cold, cuz that's the number one thing you worry about when becoming bear food.

"Happy New Year" text kills woman

Apparently suicide bombers are all about text messages these days. The trick is to keep the cell phone off until you're in the intended target area, cuz a simple 'wat up?' could blow you to pieces for nothing. This is what happened to some Russian chick, on her way to bomb a busy square of New Year party goers. Luckily a text 'Happy New Year' text came in from her service provider which caused her to explode before reaching her destination. No one else was hurt or killed.

Woman Claims Yogurt Tastes like Semen

A woman in New Mexico called the police because she thought the sample of yogurt given to her tasted like manly bodily fluids. Guuuuurrrross! The cops arrested Anthony Garcia on outstanding bench warrents and are currently tested said yogurt for semen. Boy is that lady gonna be embarrased if it only tasted like it meaning she knows it well enough to recognize.

P.S. This is why I hate yogurt!

Mini Penis

As far as unfortunate tattoos go - this is a doozee! This is how much Andreas Muller wanted a free Mini Cooper. In order to do so he needed to tattoo "Mini" on his peen.

“Once I’m sitting in the car, it won’t matter anymore. Then the pain will be gone and it’ll be alright,” he said.

Ok Andreas, pain aside you will have that on you FOREVER, and will have to suffer the humiliation with that word, every time you drop your pants. Way to think it through bud.

Public Urination

As my late cousin would say, "just pee on it." And while that's great advice you must first take into account whether or not you are a fugitive.

Edward Nathan Jr. had to pee and he wasn't about to find a restroom. Unfortunately for him, he was arrested for public urination. That's when the cops took his finger prints to find out that he had been on the run for nearly 30 years after escaping the Tampa Community Correctional Center in 1983.

At least now, he'll always know where to find a bathroom.

I do so Fuck you

This British ad was apparently created "to make people reappraise marriage as the number of British people marrying drops to its lowest level since 1862."

Apparently making marraige "bad ass" is the only way they could come up with to make it the 'in' thing to do. Um, don't you think this is a good thing though that marraige is dropping? To me, it means that people are actually taking commitment serioiusly. And if the British really want to up their marraige rates then let the gays do it - I promise it would not only increase the rate but help the economy.

Party Flaws

Censored Family Photo

You have to be kidding me! You'd think with a family shield there would be some nudity, but no, this is a picture of Elton John and his Partner with their newborn son. Disgraceful!

Your Life is Worth an X-Box 360

This father-in-law/boss kidnapped his son-in-law/employee because he believed he stole $245 from him. Joshua Seal along with Bradely Marshall captured Allen Begley and locked him in a room then beat him. He was told to give the money back, but he never stole it in the first place and didn't have enough to give them. So like in "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" he phoned a friend, and another and another until he reached his mother Linda Begley who was able to get a hold of her neighbor who offered up his X-Box 360.

Everyone met up at a convienance store parking lot and the exchange was made. Police were called in and the men were charged with Especially Aggravated Kidnapping.

Man, I'd love to be a part of this family!

Felony Conviction of a Mom Trying to Send Her Kids to a Safer School

Kelly Williams-Bolar did the worst thing a person could possibly ever do in the history of time and was convicted of a felony because of it. What's her crime? Falsifying records so her kids could go to a safer school. Thank God we got this crazy off the streets, am I right?!

40 year old Williams-Bolar lives in subsidised housing in Akron Ohio, her father lives in Copley Township. She reported that her children live with her father so they could get a better education at a safer school. Now if that's not a henious crime I don't know what is!

The school district grew suspicious (maybe, it's cuz she's black and it was a primarily white school) about the girls and hired a private detective (way to spend tax payer money) who filmed the mother dropping her kids off at her dad's house for the bus stop. Officials confronted her and she was charged with falsifying records and grand theft over $30,500 the school claims it lost on their tuition (because her father being a tax payer for that district couldn't possible count).

Typically these cases don't even make it to trial (there are about 15-20 per year) however this one did and she was made an example of. The State refused to budge and wouldn't offer her a lighter sentance such as a misdemeanor. Now she has a felony and spent 10 days in jail. She was working to become a teacher's assistant which is now impossible because of her record. Congrats Copley Township School District - you are a piece of work.

Catch VD

Ah, venerial disease, lol. Well you can't say CW didn't get our attention! However I'd like to pass on catching VD thank you very much. I wonder how those actors like being in an add, dressed all sexy next to the that slogan.

Grammer Fail

Ok people. I suck at spelling as I'm sure you've figured out from previous posts. However if I was to put something on a t-shirt I'd make sure to look it over a lot prior to sending it out. How many people do you think signed off on this before it made it to print?

The United States of Shame

Ah, yes, Washington. I am proud to be known for our bestaility.

2011 Banned Super Bowl Commerical - JesusHatesObama.com

For once in it's life Fox made the right decision and banned "Jesus Hates Obama" commercial. Dear religious people - isn't Jesus supposed be against hate? I get that I'm agnostic and all but I'm pretty sure he taught about love and acceptance.

Racism at it's finest

Yesterday Rush Limbaugh made headlines again due to his douche-bag-ery with a racist impressions of Chinese President Hu Jintau. Here is the hard hitting coverage of the aftermath with Stephen Colbert.

Time to Move!

Guy Sues Las Vegas Escort Service over a Blow Job

Hubert Blackman a New York City College student went to Vegas and hired a stripper - naturally. He paid $155 for the lap dance and an extra $120 for a "sex act." This is where things took an odd turn. The next day he called the Escort Service to be reimbursed because she didn't stay the entire 1 1/2 hours she was hired for. When the agency refused to give him his money back he called the police.

Let's go over that again. HE CALLED THE POLICE! Keep in mind prostitution is illegal (yes even in Vegas) and therefore the cops told him that he could be arrested. Scared shitless he decided that the agency not only owes him a full refund but $1.8 million for allowing him to pay for sex while he was drunk. Really dude? That's your defense? You knew that you paid that money the next day when you called for a refund. If this was a drunken mistake you would have just called it good.

At this point the old saying, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" no longer applies to his case. The Las Vegas Sun reports:

"after returning home he filed suit in federal court in New York, charging "An escort did an illegal sexual act on me during her paid service to me'' and "I almost had gotten arrested."
Blackman said he now needs medical treatment for a mental condition related to the incident.
In the suit, which he filed without an attorney, Blackman said: "I would like the court to close the business. I also would like to get my $275 payment back and a $1.8 million verdict for the tragic event that happened."

 Blackman - I agree you need medical treatment for a mental condition but I don't think it's from a stripper. I also believe that she did her due diligence and didn't need to stay the entire time.

"Remarkable for a Black Man to be Pro-Choice"

I'm not too sure how this argument works so let's just talk it out. Rick Santorum, former conservative senator for Pennsylvania doesn't understand how black people can be pro-choice. More specifically how Obama can be pro-choice. You know, cuz of that whole Civil Rights - Slavery thing. They fought for equal rights and therefore they should fight for the rights of a cluster of cells from conception. Nope, still doesn't make sense to me; I think it's a bit of a jump and racist. Anyways, we might need to get used to this guy. Rumor has it he'll be running for the Presidency.

Dog Sitter

Supersize my coffee please

If you are a coffee lover like me, then prepare your stomachs! Starbucks announced a new size for all called trenta. You know what that means? It means 31 ounces which may sound deliciously exciting however your stomach disagrees.

Snuggie's Competition

I'm so glad there are zipper hatches in the front in back for ease when "duty" calls!

Pharmacist Refuses Anti-Bleeding Drug to Woman due to a possible Abortion

 "You may have killed a fetus so I'm going to let you bleed to death." Way to be pro-life lady!

A Walgreens pharmacist in Napa questioned the nurse practitioner about the reasons as to why she needed to fill out a perscription to stop uterine bleeding. However due to that pesky law about doctor - patient confidentiality the nurse refused. This lead the the pharmacist's refusal to provide the drug. When the nurse asked for a recommendation on another pharmacy that would, she was greeted with a harsh dial tone.

Planned Parenthood has filed with the Idaho Board of Pharmacy and Walgreens has agreed to take "corrective action," whatever that means.

Wikileaks Sued over Emotional Distress

Hmm, I'm feeling stressed out today. Who can I blame this on? I know! Julian Asange and Wikileaks! This was most likely the thought process for David Pitchfork who claims that the release of sensitive documents has caused him personal damage including a worsening of his hyper-tension, depression, and stress. He also explains that he now lives in "constant fear of being stricken by another heart attack and or stroke" due to the belief that the world is now "on the brink of Nucliar WAR."

Wow...

I have a feeling he's not gonna win this one. But apparently he's not new to this kind of dissapointment as he lost his case with Osama Bin Laden in the past.

Fox Shoots Hunter

Oh how the tables have turned! A hunter in Belarus had injured a fox and decided to finish the job with the butt of the rifle. Instead of being beaten to death, the fox outsmarted the hunter and pulled the trigger on his own gun and shot him in the leg! I know right?! Doesn't feel so good does it Mr. hunter man? The hunter is now in the hospital and the fox is nowhere to be seen, although I bet him and the animal kingdom are partying it up somewhere.

How to Get a Refund without a Receipt / Harrassment

I hate Cosmo with a flaming passion for thier horribly misguided advice they give to women to make them feel worse about themselves. However this clip is to make a poor retail employee feel bad instead. Their advice when making a return - to harrass and threaten the minimum wage cashier.

Trench Coat Flasher Necklace

Sweet! I've always wanted one!

The Real Reason all those Birds Died

Cindy Jacobs, a "respected prophet" with an organization called Generals International believes she knows the reason why all of those birds died in Arkansa.

Because of the Homosexuals. Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuun!!!!

Yup, due to the repeal of DADT, God is super pissed and killed off a bunch of his creatures to teach us a lesson. You mess with me and I'll kill your birds!

Famous Red Heads!

Hands-Free Sandwich Holder

Now you can have your sandwish and eat it too! I love the spare clips for a napkin, so refined.

Barack Obama = Luke Skywalker

If you know me, then you'd understand that there is very little out there that could beat politics as told through Star Wars. Jon Stewart you are my hero!

Supreme Court Justice doesn't believe in women's rights

To Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the 14th Ammendment does not serve to protect women's rights. You see he's one of those inlightened people who interpret the Constitution based on what he believes the author's meant. So he can basically look over pesky things such as "protection against discrimination based on gender or sexual orientation." Here's what he had to say in an interview with California Lawyer. I've added the bold underlines for your reading pleasure.

" In 1868, when the 39th Congress was debating and ultimately proposing the 14th Amendment, I don't think anybody would have thought that equal protection applied to sex discrimination, or certainly not to sexual orientation. So does that mean that we've gone off in error by applying the 14th Amendment to both?"

"Yes, yes. Sorry, to tell you that. ... But, you know, if indeed the current society has come to different views, that's fine. You do not need the Constitution to reflect the wishes of the current society. Certainly the Constitution does not require discrimination on the basis of sex. The only issue is whether it prohibits it. It doesn't. Nobody ever thought that that's what it meant. Nobody ever voted for that. If the current society wants to outlaw discrimination by sex, hey we have things called legislatures, and they enact things called laws. You don't need a constitution to keep things up-to-date. All you need is a legislature and a ballot box. You don't like the death penalty anymore, that's fine. You want a right to abortion? There's nothing in the Constitution about that. But that doesn't mean you cannot prohibit it. Persuade your fellow citizens it's a good idea and pass a law. That's what democracy is all about. It's not about nine superannuated judges who have been there too long, imposing these demands on society."

Ok folks, let's all interpret the 14th Amendment's Equal Protection Clause together shall we?

"No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

Hmmm, personally, I think that women would fall under "citizens of the United States" and/or "any person" but that's just me. What do I know anyway? I'm just a woman.

Worst Wedding Gift Ever!

If I got this card from my parents I'm pretty sure I would disinvite them to my wedding. Thank you for thinking that I'm beautiful now and for giving me a scale to make sure I weigh the correct amount a bride should weigh on her wedding day.

Steve King gives his views on abortion to 5 year olds

Iowa Rep. Steve King asks the hard hitting questions during his presentations to K-12 graders, such as, "Where do you stand on the abortion issue?" I guess you have to brainwash them while they are young but good God why on earth does a kindergardner need to hear anything about it? He must think they are planning on fetus murdering while they eat their paste and crayons. And you better not go over the whole trimester thing either or he'll compare it to school shootings, ya know cuz they are one in the same.

"In fact, if you want to argue that you really don't know - that it might be first, second or third trimester or viability - tell me: If someone were to walk down this hallway and stick a gun in the door, turn their head away from the gun and pull the trigger and run out the door and we catch him out there, did he kill somebody or didn't he?"
Answering "I don't know" isn't good enough, King says, because if someone is dead, the gunman killed someone. That is why "you cannot guess about when life begins," he said.

Personally I like to take my abortion advice from a man who compares Black Farmer's settlement to Slavery Reparations and thinks that gay marraige would the end of our world...literally.

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